What makes a good relationship? Any relationship has to have certain core traits or they fail, they have to exist at some level. I see them as Communication, Affinity, and Acceptance. Without these three things at some level, any relationship is doomed to failure, the more intimate the relationship, the higher the levels will need to be.

Communication is not just speaking, we have done that since we were children, but that is not real communication. In computers we understand communications a bit better than most, since we have to explain how it is done to the computer. It requires transmission, receipt, acknowledgment, a reply to confirm the data, and an acknowledgment of the reply. Many people spew information, never bothering to determine if it has been received or understood as it was intended, we are all guilty of it at some level.

Affinity, most people think this is the most important part of a relationship, but reall trails behind the other factors, how much we like someone or what they do to us, is secondary to many factors, and there are many that we find appealing that we are not in relationships with.

Acceptance, this is more than likely the most important thing, if we do not accept our partner in the relationship, or they do not accept us, then there is no relationship there, this is also our acceptance of a mutual reality, how the world is for us, and my reality may not be your reality, but we need to be in the same reality to have a relationship.

All this being said, relationships are not an ongoing thing, they are continually broken down and rebuilt, all the factors have to be there and remain there for the relationship to be rebuilt over and over for a continuing relationship.

If our communications break down, then the relationship will change or cease, if our affinity changes, it will change the nature of our relationship, and if our accepted realities diverge, then it too will change the relationship. A solid continuing relationship requires work to keep all three factors working as they are meant to.

23 May 2007 15:21:43


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