Dungeon safety and consent
As most of my blogs, this one comes in part from a discussion I had with a friend, and it stirred up past discussions and experiences.
My first dungeon experiences were great, and perhaps they jaded my view a little as to what a dungeon should be. They had a DM for every play space, who remained on duty, all play had to be negotiated in the DM's presence, even between Master and slave, the negotiations were kind of simple for them "This is my slave, we will recognize the dungeon-wide safe word for this session", but it gave the DM something to work with, anyone who broke the rules was expelled, if they did it again on a later visit, they got banned. This is the environment I learned to be a DM in, it does not seem many dungeons meet those standards now, and I know not all of them did even then, but some things slip, and dungeons are hesitant to come down on their "friends".
There are things that occur at dungeons and play parties that get hushed up or not addressed: non-consensual touching, play without proper negotiations, downright bad play, and even playing with a top that does not follow up to be a safety net for the bottom when they drop. And no I don't blame the dungeons for these things, this is simply one more symptom of the decline of education in the lifestyle in general.
The biggest danger comes in people jumping into play so easily, they play with someone just because they "seem safe" or "so and so played with them and it went ok", but do these people have the experience or training to do this thing that we do safely? There is more to a session that the actual techniques. When you choose to play with someone, you are taking responsibility for the bottoms wellness, both during and after the session, perhaps even for a week after if their sub-drop occurs that long down the road. My trainer always said don't play if you can't pay the price, and he was right. So bottoms, this one is on you, KNOW who you play with, know their history, know they will be there when you need them later on, KNOW you can trust them not to hand the whip over to someone else once you are tied up and blindfolded.
The non-consensual touching issue is a biggy with me, I see it all the time, from gropes to playful pops on the ass, to in some extreme cases getting involved in a session or molesting someone who is bound. If you see me grope someone, they are either mine, someone I know VERY well, or I have consent, why this is so complicated for the supposed "doms" out there, I have no clue.
Maybe I am stuck in the past when things were oddly safer than they are now, when you met a top at a party, his history was somewhat exposed by virtue of the fact that you could ask who trained him. Now, they most likely have not trained or been mentored, their experience most likely came from reading a cool article on the net and watching a video or two, and that makes them experts. Scary ain't it?
This is a bit more rant-like than I prefer, but really only so many ways to say "BE SAFE, learn before you play, be a LOT more picky than you are being now." *grins*
Be well, be safe, and don't make me come over there and smack ya...
3 Jan 2008 13:38:19
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