D/s and emotional abuse

There are four types of abuse: neglect, sexual, physical and emotional. While many of us know all about sexual or physical abuse and have a good understanding of neglect, most of us have no clue of the emotional abuse that exists in the lifestyle, and we see it everyday. It exists in large quantities, in many of the relationships people look to as "models" of how to behave.

The following are some of the signs of emotional abuse:
* They constantly call, text-message, e-mail, IM, etc. to check up on you.
* They are extremely jealous when you talk to or spend time with other people.
* They call you names or put you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
* They go behind your back to talk about things with other people, sabotaging relationships. * They make statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself."
* You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship with them.
* You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
* You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
* You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
* You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.

I know you have seen or experienced some of these, maybe many of them. And before you go saying this is just for submissives, I have been in an emotional abusive relationship before, and the "submissive" was the one doing the abusing. Many passive aggressive people are emotionally abusive and don't even realize they are doing it, so look to your own behavior, do you do any of that? Do you know someone who is with an emotional abuser, send them a link to this article to read, maybe they will get the hint.

Most forms of abuse are about control, which means we in the lifestyle have to be especially wary that we, as dominants or submissives, are not abusive. Most will agree there are a large number of people in this lifestyle for the wrong reasons, many need to take a long honest look at themselves.

We cannot make people change, some will always be abusers, some will always be victims, but we can point it out and let them see it, and then they can make the choice to change themselves or to live with their choice.

Know the warning signs, the red flags, no one can keep you safe but you.

23 Apr 2008 10:55:45

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