BDSM Safety - Safe Words

Safe words are a word or phrase a bottom uses to indicate the session either needs to stop or slow down, they are arranged prior to playing, and should be respected when used. If a top ignores a safe word, run, don?t walk, away.

Some do not agree that safe words are useful, the words ?No? and ?Stop? work well enough. The only time a safe word itself is really needed is during a ?force? type of session, where the bottom may want to play at resisting. A skilled top should be able to read the bottom well enough to know when they need to stop, but sometimes they do not see the signs.

Safe words are usually more important early in a relationship than later, they help establish trust between the top and bottom. They allow things to progress to levels that may push boundaries. As a relationship matures, they will become less useful as the top learns more about the bottoms desires and tolerances.

If you know you will be or may be gagged or unable to speak, a safe ?gesture? should be arranged as well.

Using a safe word is not a failure, a bottom should never be ashamed to use their safe word, sometimes things are just not right and need to be corrected. Sometimes your body reacts differently to different stimuli.

For the tops, do not punish the bottom for using their safe word, this is a useful communication tool, and if you punish them, they will not feel safe using it to let you know when they are having difficulty.

Remember, safe words do not make you safe, you are only as safe as the top makes you, if they do not honor the safe word, what good does it do you?

17 Mar 2008 09:30:50

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