I have seen a number people asking this question lately, mostly asking about what Leather is, but some asking about Edwardian protocols or even Gor.
Invariably what follows does not remotely answer the question, they will ramble on about it's about honor, respect, relationships, master/slave, dominant/submissive, power exchange, charity, giving back, teaching, values, integrity, etc, etc.
But, those qualities have nothing to do with the protocol one follows, but who the person is, you will find people with, or without, integrity in all the different protocols. If you have to define yourself or your protocol using qualities that all the members of your group may not possess, and that other groups also possess, perhaps you really don't have a good idea about what your protocol really is.
Comments (0) 7 Jul 2012 13:15:01
Etiquette is a set of expected behaviors, the rules of how we interact if you will. The lifestyle as it is today has lost touch with protocol and etiquette, and this is causing quite a bit of friction in the lifestyle.
It's not really the fault of just the new folks either. With the influx of new people into the lifestyle and a lack of any sort of education or mentoring system in place, many new people are simply unaware of what good form is.
There is no "universal" protocol or etiquette, there are some common points that will help overall though.
- "What happens in vegas..." - Tempting as it may be, you should not discuss that great scene you and John had at the local play party without the permission of everyone involved, that would be You, John, and whoever hosted the party. While some people are open about their activities, some still prefer to keep certain things private.
- "If it ain't yours..." - Don't touch it, this applies to people as well as toys, while some people will be completely cool with you fondling their flogger, others might get a bit miffed, so ask permission. This goes double for people, a slap on the ass might seem a good idea, but if the ass you are slapping is not yours, that is assault and battery if someone decides to press charges.
- Nilla exposure - Don't go playing, or talking about involved BDSM techniques around the nillas, it screws with everyone's future enjoyment of that location. Don't show off toys, flog someone, whatever around the nillas. This applies to munches, outside of any event, etc. Keep it private.
- Don't "out" people - This means, don't use their real name within a BDSM group unless they say it is ok, and don't use their "scene" name in a nilla setting. It should go without saying to not discuss someone's BDSM life in their nilla life, or their nilla life in their BDSM life. Some people like their privacy.
- "It's pray not prey" - Don't pounce on the new people, give them a chance to breath and get used to things before you try to molest them. The key in "informed" consent, if they are new, they are not informed.
- "Quiet down" - Don't interrupt someone who is playing, either by being in their space or by talking loudly, if you don't know how loud your voice is, don't talk.
- "Cleanliness is next to..." - Clean up after yourself, your not a child, no one wants to have to deal with your body fluids or used candy wrappers.
Hopefully these will give people a slightly better idea of how to behave like adults, remember actions become habits if you perform them often enough.
Comments (0) 23 Nov 2009 00:00:00
Over the years, my slave rules have varied from just a couple to over 50, I started out so simply, and it grew and grew as specific cases came along that did not seem to be addressed by the existing rules. So now comes the time to attempt to condense them back down. Could of course go with the simple Gorean slave rules "Absolute obedience" and "to be fully and completely pleasing to men.", but strangely, that leaves wiggle room as to what is obedience and what is pleasing.
So, the "new" rules:
- The slave will immediately obey her master completely and totally without question.
- The slave's will keep herself in a manner that pleases her master. (this includes clothing, makeup, hair, perfumes, tattoos, piercings, etc)
- The slave will show proper respect to her master and others. (this includes the proper use of titles and not speaking when others are speaking)
- The slave will not lie to her master or keep any secrets from her master. (This includes who she is talking with and fantasies)
- The slave will not allow outside influences to interfere in her relationship with her master, anyone attempting this should be reported to her master immediately. (this includes other slaves, dominants or non-lifestyle people)
- The slave will not seek, or allow to seek her, any other dominant, lover or play partner, and shall only be allowed to play with those her master allows. This shall extend to platonic dates as well. If the slave has an interest in playing or seeing someone else, the slave shall approach her master with the interest and abide by her master's decision.
- The slave will always identify themselves as owned and who their master is when beginning a private or in person conversation with someone new to them.
- The slave will remember that her behavior is a reflection on her master at all times, even when he is not present, and will continue to follow all rules and commands.
- The slave will remember there is no place for jealousy or feeling things are "not fair", each slave is unique and her master will do with each what he desires.
- The slave will be active in her service, not passive, and will make choices based on if they will please her master. (this includes giving her master a full response emotionally and physically without holding back.)
I think those about cover everything that really needs covered, and likely a few things that should be common sense, but aren't.
Comments (0) 22 Dec 2008 13:09:43