BDSM & Sex

You got sex in my BDSM. You got BDSM in my sex. Two great kink that work great together.

Sorry, had to do it, if we can't corrupt out childhood images, what can we corrupt? This debate wages on and on and on. And likely will long after you and I and anyone else we know is even interested in the topic. This topic has been debated for many years already, and will likely never reach a satisfying conclusion. This is simply because for some BDSM and sex are two different things, and for others it is one and the same.

The issue comes down to what is BDSM? Well, it is a catch all, an acronym created to combine many different, and in some cases highly divergent, lifestyles into one. Therein lies the problem. BDSM covers everything from people who only like to have rough sex in their bedroom to people who live a master/slave relationship 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. These two extremes have very little in common in reality. We join together under a common umbrella term to create a sense of community. This is a good cause, but it does lead to quite a bit of confusion when you try to bring people together with such diverse differences.

To some BDSM is sex, to some BDSM is love, to some those are really way off base. As diverse as our lifestyle is, there comes a full range of really different viewpoints. In many cases to the people involved, they are the right choices. Also as usually happens, some are the wrong choices.

My personal view, BDSM is not sex, I can and have controlled, spanked, and tied people up I had no interest in sexually. However BDSM and sex do go well together when you have an emotional bond, it can be really great foreplay or even more. I have to care about someone to play with them, be that BDSM or sexually, so I don't go playing casually with anyone and everyone. Though I could make it a great session with someone, I prefer to keep who I play with to a small select group. This is not a right or wrong issue, simply personal choice.

We must each make our own personal choices in this "lifestyle", some will be right some will be wrong. I do not agree that there are no wrong choices, but also there is no "one true path" either, there are a few right paths, and many wrong ones. As you get deeper into the lifestyle there are fewer and fewer right paths, and more and more wrong ones. If all you seek is casual play in the bedroom with your significant other, there are many right choices you can make. If you seek to enter into a master/slave relationship full time, there are only a few ways to do that right. It all comes down to where on the scale you fall.

"There are no taboos in bed, and there shouldn't be any taboos in bed.", "We do most of what we do out of our sexual energy and our sexual needs." - Frank Langella

28 Feb 2008 11:48:56

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